22 reasons you have to drag me, kicking and screaming, to go clothes-shopping:
1. I enter the door at Kohl's.
2. I turn right. Because the women's clothing section is located to my left, I circle the entire store before I actually find the women's clothing section.
3. I see a beautiful outfit worn so nicely by a gorgeous plastic body.
4. I pick out said outfit to try on. I could sure use a new look.
5. I think the plastic model has lost weight since I entered the dressing room. Either that, or they're using one of those circus mirrors that adds pounds in all the wrong places.
6. I hang outfit on hook and leave the dressing room.
7. I feel guilty. My mom's voice taunts in my ear: "If-all-the-world-were-just-like-me-what-kind-of-world-would-this-world-be?"
8. I return to the dressing room. I grab the outfit and take it to the "clothes-to-be-returned" rack.
9. I find a bigger size this time.
10. I return to the dressing room. This time, it looks great.
11. I glance at the pricetag. !!!!!
12. I return item to rack.
13. I find clearance rack. Good, stuff under $10. I grab a few things and return to the dressing room.
14. I try one on. My horrified face in the mirror clashes with the XXXL neon green and electric orange paisley. Oops. Not so groovy nowadays. And just a teensy bit roomy.
15. I return it to the rack.
16. I decide Kohl's stinks.
17. I go to Goodwill.
18. I pick an outfit.
19. I head to the cashier. As she reaches her hands for my selection, I realize my choice is the same outfit I had donated to Goodwill last month.
20. I return item to rack.
21. I go home and pull out my oldest, raggediest pajamas and put them on.
22. I vow never to return to a clothing store again in this lifetime.
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